Chapter 13
Taxi service, hold on please!.
A call like this can never be made again. It was a rare coincidence.
It was New Year's Eve some years ago and Sneek was celebrating
with his friends. When the best show on TV was over, it was time for
Sneek to go home. He called for a taxi, but unfortunately he wasn't
the only one. Lots of people tried to call at that very moment and
the phone system collapsed. All you could hear was people shouting "Hallo!".
Sneek found out, that all people could hear and talk to each other
and he decided to work as an operator of the taxi service.
-"Taxi" he said on the phone and the reservations were pouring in.
-"It's coming" he said to every one until it calmed down and
the reservations were coming in more scarcely. This is how it went then:
| | | Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -Hello! This is director Johansson of 35 Centre Street and I wonder
if you have a car for me?
| |
| Sneek: | -Well, maybe. On what floor do you live?
| |
| Man: | -Eh...on the second floor.
| |
| Sneek: | -No, I am sorry. We can't let our staff run up and down stairways
on New Year's Eve! The answer is No!
| |
| Man: | -Well, but I can come and wait outside of course!
| |
| Sneek: | -Well, I see. Okey! It's coming.
----------------------------- Next call -----------------------------
| |
| Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -I would like to order a taxi to 7 Cypress Street.
| |
| Sneek: | -7 Cypress Street? Well but this is so close to the subway station!
| |
| Man: | -Yes?
| |
| Sneek: | -Well, why don´t you use the subway? That is the laziest thing I ever
heard of, calling for a taxi when you have a subway station just
around the corner.
| |
| Man: | -Well, if you have the taxi, I would like to order it!!!
| |
| Sneek: | -Don't you use that attitude with me!
| |
| Man: | -What the hell! I will report you to your boss.
| |
| Sneek: | -Watch your language.
| |
| Man: | -You son of a bitch! Go to hell!
*Click*
----------------------------- Next call -----------------------------
| |
| Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -I would like to order a taxi to 35 Small Street.
| |
| Sneek: | -I'm sorry, it's not possible. Small Street has got one way traffic
from both directions starting tonight. I'm sorry!
| |
| Man: | -What?? One-way from both directions??
| |
| Sneek: | -Yes, and it takes effect tonight, as of January first.
| |
| Man: | -This is the craziest thing I've ever heard! Can't you drive on
Small Street at all?
| |
| Sneek: | -No, I'm sorry.
| |
| Man: | -Well, I can go to the Big Street or Middle Street.
| |
| Sneek: | -It's the same with these streets too.
| |
| Man: | -What about Central park Street?
| |
| Sneek: | -Sorry! You have to go to the South Station if you want to have a taxi.
This is the closest we can come.
| |
| Man: | -It's crazy!
| |
| Sneek: | -We think so too, but these are the new rules. Do you want to have the
taxi to the South Station or not?
| |
| Man: | -Well, I think I'll wait. Thanks anyway.
| |
| Sneek: | -Thank you.
----------------------------- Next call -----------------------------
| |
| Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -I would like to order a taxi to 22 Bull Street.
| |
| Sneek: | -Yes, and your name is?
| |
| Man: | -Ekerkvist.
| |
| Sneek: | -Ekerkvist?
| |
| Man: | -Yes.
| |
| Sneek: | -On 22 Bull Street?
| |
| Man: | -Yes?
| |
| Sneek: | -This is the fourth time you call here and order a taxi! You didn't
take any of the taxis we sent to you before! I will call the police now.
| |
| Man: | -Wait a second! I never called you before! You must be wrong.
| |
| Sneek: | -Don't even try. I recognize your voice too.
| |
| Man: | -I promise. It must have been somebody else who was joking with you.
| |
| Sneek: | -Do you think it's a joke? It shows what kind of a person you are and
now I will call the police.
| |
| Man: | -Beleive me.
| |
| Sneek: | -You can go to hell. You won't get any taxi.
*Click*
----------------------------- Next call -----------------------------
| |
| Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -I would like to order a taxi to 44 Hunter Street.
| |
| Sneek: | -We don't have many cars tonight. Can we send you a truck?
| |
| Man: | -A truck??
| |
| Sneek: | -Yes, but it will cost you three times the money.
| |
| Man: | -Don't you have a regular taxi?
| |
| Sneek: | -No, I'm sorry. So many people are calling tonight. If you can't
afford a truck, we can send you a motorcycle combination. This is
much cheeper than an ordinary taxi.
| |
| Man: | -A motorcycle???
| |
| Sneek: | -Yes, but you have to sit in the side-car. Put on lots of clothes,
and you won´t catch cold.
| |
| Man: | -Well, I wonder if this really is taxi service. Usually girls answer
your phones.
| |
| Sneek: | -After what we´ve done to these babes tonight, it will take a couple
of days before they can answer the phones again.
| |
| Man: | -Hmm..
| |
| Sneek: | -Would you like to order a truck or a motorcycle?
| |
| Man: | -I'll order the motorcycle. It's not very far.
| |
| Sneek: | -It's coming.
----------------------------- Next call -----------------------------
| |
| Sneek: | -Taxi.
| |
| Man: | -Well, this is director Johansson of 35 Centre Street. I ordered
a taxi fourtyfive minutes ago. I haven't seen any yet!?
| |
| Sneek: | -Just a moment, I'll check it up.
| |
| Man: | -Thank you so much.
..................
| |
| Sneek: | -Hallo?
| |
| Man: | -Yes.
| |
| Sneek: | -Well, I talked to the driver. He was having a beer with his friends.
But he is on his way now.
| |
| Man: | -What? This is terrible! I have been waiting here, freezing for
almost an hour and you tell me that the driver is having a beer with
his friends!? I will report you for this.
| |
| Sneek: | -Well, then you won't get any taxi.
| |
| Man: | -What?
| |
| Sneek: | -Yes, we don´t send you the car.
| |
| Man: | -This is a scandal! You do black-mailing as well!
| |
| Sneek: | -You may choose yourself!
| |
| Man: | -Well, send me the car.
| |
| Sneek: | -Then you have to promise me that you won't make a report.
| |
| Man: | -I promise.
| |
| Sneek: | -Okey, it's coming.
(Which it didn't.)
Preface to 'Sneek's prank calls'
Chapter 1. Doctor Sneek, General Hospital
Chapter 2. The Telephone Company testing
Chapter 3. Drunk-driver tries to do a bunk
Chapter 4. The safe-cracker
Chapter 5. Inspector Sneek, Police Department
Chapter 6. Reverend Sneek, Enskede
Chapter 7. A long-distance call from Germany
Chapter 8. Accountant Sneek, from the tax office
Chapter 9. Sneek's little sister
Chapter 10. Wrong number
Chapter 11. The Civil Defence practising
Chapter 12. The Quiz
Chapter 13. Taxi service, hold on please!
Chapter 14. Directory enquiries
Chapter 15. The poor shoemaker
Chapter 16. Sneek's lobster party
Chapter 17. The Rundlund ladies
Chapter 18. The hotel
Chapter 19. The new landlord
Please report spelling or language errors to: euro.astro@yahoo.com
Copyright 1979 by Stefan Brydolf, Stockholm. ISBN 91-85862-00-2
Unauthorized publishing in full or in parts will be prosecuted by law
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