Sneek´s prank calls

Chapter 6
Reverend Sneek, Enskede.


A lady living in Enskede had the following phone call.


               
Lady:        -123456.

               
Sneek:       -Is this Anna Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Yes!?

               
Sneek:       -Good afternoon, my name is reverend Sneek. I am the new reverend in 
              Enskede Church.

               
Lady:        -I see, good afternoon!

               
Sneek:       -Well, since I'm new here I thought it would be polite and nice to call 
              the community to say hallo!

               
Lady:        -Oh, I see!?

               
Sneek:       -Well, at least I usually do so.

               
Lady:        -Oh, really?

               
Sneek:       -Do you attend the Church some times Mrs. Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Yes, I was there last Sunday.

               
Sneek:       -Wasn't it a wonderful sermon that he gave?

               
Lady:        -Yes.

               
Sneek:       -Do you read the Bible, Mrs Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Sometimes I do in fact.

               
Sneek:       -Well, I usually read the Hesekiel 23:rd when I feel lonely. Have you 
              read this chapter, Mrs Johansson?

               
Lady:        -I don't know. Maybe I have. 

               
Sneek:       -It is about two sisters who are in the desert. Imagine, I get so hot 
              when I read the Word of God. Do you read prayers also, Mrs Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Yes, I do sometimes.

               
Sneek:       -Dear Mrs Johansson. May I suggest that we read "The Lord's Prayer" 
              together?

               
Lady:        -Yes, why not.

               
Sneek:       -Here we go. One, two, three. Our Lord who.......(the lady is reading  
              with him).....Amen.

               
Sneek:       -Isn't it nice and comfortable with church traditions, Mrs. Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Yes, of course it is.

               
Sneek:       -I am actually very stiff with them.

               
Lady:        -Oh, I see. Me too.

               
Sneek:       -I like especially one tradition, you know the one about house-examination.

               
Lady:        -House-examination??

               
Sneek:       -Yes, house-examination. Like in olden times. But now a days it is   
              possible to do it over the phone and this is very convenient.

               
Lady:        -Mh...

               
Sneek:       -I thought it would be nice to make a little house-examination with you, 
              Mrs. Johansson?!

               
Lady:        -Well, I'm not very good at it.

               
Sneek:       -But you know the names of the two sons of Adam and Eve?!

               
Lady:        -Yes, that's easy. Cain and Abel.

               
Sneek:       -You see! You got the first one right. I`ll put a golden star here in 
              my book. What was the name of the giant whom David killed with a rock?

               
Lady:        -That must be Goliat?

               
Sneek:       (Suddenly very loud:)
               
 FUCK OFF YOU IDIOT!

               
Lady:        -What?

               
Sneek:       (Very calm again:) 
              -Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Johansson. I was talking to the cat. He jumped   
              on my lap and scratched me. You said Goliat. Absolutely correct. That 
              makes one more star in heaven. Excuse me for a moment, Mrs. Johansson, 
              I must just throw the cat out.

               
Lady:        -Sure.

               
In the background Mrs Johansson hears the screams of a poor devostated cat 
(played by Sneek's younger sister Angela, read more about her in chapter 9) 
and reverend Sneek loudly shouting to the cat:
YOU DAMNED CAT DEVIL. IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I`LL TWIST YOUR NECK OFF AND THROW 
YOU IN THE GARBAGE JUST LIKE I DID WITH YOUR FUCKING MOTHER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Then Sneek goes back to the phone and speaks with a calm voice.

               
Sneek:       -Hallo! Sorry! I have cat breeding as an extra work. With this money
              that the Church pays you'll never get fat. And you shuld have seen all 
              these buttons and old worthless coins people put in the collection bag! 
              Now to the third question. Would you like to have the hundred Kroner 
              question or are you pleased with the fifty you already won?
 
               
Lady:        -I won?!

               
Sneek:       -Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Johansson, the radio is on and they have a quiz 
              right now. I was confused. Here is the question anyway. How many apostles 
              did Jesus have?

               
Lady:        -I think it was twelve?

               
Sneek:       -Right again. Will you come to Church on Sunday, Mrs Johansson?

               
Lady:        -Yes, if I'm still alive and healthy.

               
Sneek:       -It would be nice to meet you then. Welcome.

               
Lady:        -Thank you.

               
Sneek:       -Good bye!

               
Lady:        -Good bye!

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